Monday, August 10, 2009

080808

I cannot avoid thinking about the Beijing Olympics whenever I listen to CSS's album Donkey. Whether I was on one of two new subway lines, tracing the perimeter of the Olympic Green on foot, on my way to a party or event, or falling asleep on the 6AM high-speed train, the Brazilian electrobeats provided a twee, punky soundtrack to my every day. It's nice to revisit those days while sitting in traffic, running along the lake, or job hunting in the living room.

That's right: this beast just won't be caught. My main source of income is manual labor these days, and I have the calluses to prove it. I've become my parents' full-time gardener, and have undertaken a variety of otherwise-impossible-seeming tasks to fund my life while in Chicago.

Emotionally, I've been steadily moving away from the darkness. After emerging from a pseudo-relationship in which my desperation for finding something worth occupying my time led me to over-invest in someone obviously not right for me, I see how low I can go and have worked to move away from it. Life, it seems, is about valuing whichever side of the see-saw is in the air--though the career and financial aspects of my life are failing, I'm doing well socially and health-wise.

It seems obvious for me to return to teach in China. I would be able to make money, gain more experience teaching, and fill a year otherwise spent weed-whacking or paper-pushing. I generally reject making decisions based on emotions, but I really "feel" like I need to be here now. I've never worked particularly hard to make Chicago a home for myself; I've dodged friend-making, volunteering, club-joining, and so on for almost 7 years now. I've managed to enjoy parts of my disconnected life on both sides of the globe, but it's time to invest in my future happiness, and I think I should do that in Chicago.

Despite how much I miss xiang guo.

8 comments:

Shannon said...

I love you Brian.

Hajar said...

Hi there. I'm wondering whether Blogger/Blogspot is now accessible in China.

IMCurtain said...

Lovely post! Dropping by...

p/s: We would like to invite all of you to join our blogging community which helps you to get more visitors to your blogs. It's totally free and you get the chance to meet other celebrity bloggers. Visit us at Blogger Community

Lisa said...

This is very important: www.maolovesyou.com

cindycatwalk said...

Great!!

Love, cindy
www.cindycatwalk.wordpress.com

FOREB said...

Greetings

tabahiko said...

Hi, I performed dance”AKB48”. I succeed to reduce my weight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5McGB552Dc
Thank you.

Ben Noon said...

Great post, crazy to believe this is almost a decade old. China has changed a lot in this time. Its great to see you can teach English in China to see it all first hand.